When I see your smile
by Romy
Summary: Mac is leaving with BugMe, will Harm stop her or not ?


Title: "When I See Your Smile"  
Author: Romy  
E-mail: sunshine8552@yahoo.com  
Summary: Mac is leaving, will Harm stop her or not ?  
  
^ ^ ^  
"When I see your smile" written and performed by Pete Masitti   
"Was it something that I didn't say" is by 98 Degrees  
^ ^ ^  
I.  
  
****************  
"I could say a million more goodbyes  
Try like hell to drag this out all night  
Just to hear you say it one more time  
Before another million miles go by  
Now I'm too far away to see you smile  
And I just want to watch you for a while  
So you can be here"  
****************  
  
I can't believe I did this. In fact,I can't believe I  
did nothing.  
Nothing to stop you from leaving the States, leaving  
JAG,  
leaving ME.  
  
This time our goodbyes weren't told in front of JAG or  
in my office. This time we weren't even in uniform.  
this  
time youcame to my apartment. Unfortunately, Renee was  
there.  
  
When you saw her, I think there was hurt or maybe  
jealousy in your eyes. But maybe I'm just imagining  
it. You're  
next words - I can't believe they're true.  
  
You told me that you and Mic decided to move to  
Australia. For a minute we were both speechless. The  
only sound was of  
Renee making some stupid phone call.   
  
Then I recovered, wished you 'Good Luck' and hugged  
you. I don't know if I would've let you go if Renee's  
voice didn't  
interrupt us. She asked what were we celebrating  
because I was hugging you like   
there'll be no tomorrow.  
  
'There'll be no tomorrow without you' I thought. I  
told Renee that you're moving to Australia. She  
congratulated you and then  
there was an awkward silence. So you said goodbye once  
more and left.   
  
I was watching you walk away, about to run  
after you when Renee closed the door. And I did  
nothing. Nothing to  
stop you.  
  
***************  
"Tonight I saw the brightest shooting star  
Wonder if it touched down where you are   
And are you lonely tossing in your sleep  
Or don't you miss me  
And it keeps getting harder every day  
I'll be damned if I can stay away  
Guess there's only one thing I can do  
'till I can be there"  
**************  
  
It's 2:30 AM already and still I can't sleep. After  
you'd left, I did something I should have done long  
ago. I erased the Video Princess  
from my life. Yes, Ikne w you called her the Video  
Princess. I wonder if you  
knew that I called Mic BugMe. I'm sure you did.  
  
So I stay here staring out of the window, staring at  
the sky full of stars.   
Suddenly, there's a shooting star. So I wish  
that...that you won't move to  
Australia. That you won't transfer out of JAG. That  
you'll be mine.  
  
*************  
"Somewhere in the corners of my mind  
I can see you standing by my side  
And it's perfect picture every time  
When I see your smile  
When I see your smile"  
************  
  
I wonder how long I've been staring at that picture of  
us. You know, the one from the embassy. The one taken  
before our 'mission'.  
the one taken before I suggested we should go out more  
often. Why I haven't  
make that suggestion true ? In this one you're smiling  
that beautiful smile  
of yours. The same smile I see every night in my  
dreams. The smile I'll never forget.  
  
I move to another picture taken at baby AJ's  
christening. You're holding baby AJ in your arms and  
I'm holding you both. It  
looks so natural it felt so natural.  
We look like family - you, me and our baby. Except  
that it's not our child - it's our godson. And except  
you're not mine.  
  
But the longer I stare at this photos of us, the  
longer I can't believe I did nothing. Nothing to make  
you mine. And now it's  
too late. Or is it?  
  
  
  
II.  
  
  
^ ^ ^  
  
You know that I never liked duty on Saturdays. But  
today I went to JAG  
and I was kind of looking forward to it. Looking  
forward, because I   
was hoping you'd stop by. Not because I'm here - I  
doubt that you even   
know I am here today. But because you forgot something  
in your office or   
something. And then I get the chance to see you once  
more.  
  
*********  
"Spending another night alone  
Wondering what I would give to get you back baby  
I should have told you how I felt then  
Instead I kept it to myself, yeah  
I let my love go unexpressed  
'till it was too late  
You walked away"  
********  
  
Since last night I have done a lot of thinking.  
Thinking about you, about   
me...about us. The funny thing is that I always  
thought that last year had   
been only a dream. No, not a dream, a nightmare, and  
that when I woke up,   
everything would be alright. There'll be no ring, no  
Mic, no Australia, and definatly  
no ferry.  
  
I always thought that there would still be a chance  
to make things right between   
you and me. A chance to explain my ferry-words to you.  
A chance to tell you   
how I really feel. A chance to tell you that I'm in  
love with you.  
  
I was so close to telling you so many times - but  
then I stopped. 'Funny I never  
thought that I'd back down from anything.' I always  
told myself  
that there'll be another chance.   
  
Guess I was wrong.  
  
************  
"Always assumed that you'd be there  
Couldn't forsee the day you'd ever be leaving me  
How could I let my word slip through my hands, baby  
I took for granted that you knew, yeah  
All of the love I had for you, yeah  
I guess you never had a clue"  
************  
  
I've been here for three hours and still I haven't  
accomplished  
one thing. Because of that my desk looks exactly like  
yours   
always does. Except that I can't find anything.  
  
I start looking for some file. Suddenly a note appears  
in my hand.  
  
'Congratulations on your promotion, flyboy. I don't  
outrank you anymore, but I'm still unofficial Chief of  
Staff. So behave yourself.'  
Ninjagirl   
  
I smile as I read it. You gave me this after my return  
from flying. This was the   
sign, that our friendship was slowly coming back.  
Untill I screwed it again.  
Screwed it up with my fears.  
  
^ ^ ^  
  
I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I almost didn't  
hear someone coming   
from the elevator. I looked up - and it was the most  
beautiful sight I have ever  
seen. It was you.  
  
  
III.  
  
I wondered how long it was going to take you to spot  
me. One...two...three. You smiled at me and I flashed  
you the best flyboy smile I could make.   
  
As I stood up to greet you, I could hear  
myself asking you why you were here on a Saturday.  
You said that you came to drop off some papers for the  
admiral and  
to finish getting the rest of your things out of your  
office.  
  
It was then I remembered that you're leaving. I tried  
my  
best not to show you my sadness. But being the  
brilliant   
observer you are I guess I wasn't successful. But you  
didn't say anything.  
  
'I didn't know that admiral was here today?' came from  
my mouth.   
'He's gone away with Sydney for the weekend but he  
said I  
could leave the papers on his desk' you responded.  
  
Just then your stomach let itself heard and we both  
laughed. So I suggested that we go out to lunch.  
  
'Please, please, please!' I pray.  
  
I hear your 'yes' and I couldn't be happier. Oh, I  
could. If you were mine...  
  
  
IV.  
  
Our lunch was spent in the atmosphere that could be  
characterized as friendly. It was like the old times.  
We  
were laughing and teasing each other like we used to.  
Sometimes   
laughing so hard we were close to tears. Thank god we  
were in a   
park having Beltway Burgers and salad and not in some  
restaurant.   
We would probably have been thrown out for disturbing  
the peace.  
  
For the third time I caught myself staring at you.  
Staring   
at you and wondering, how we got here. I don't mean  
how we got in  
this park, that I know because you let me drive your  
vette.  
  
I mean how did we get to this point in our  
relationship?   
One day we're the best of friends and the next day  
we're...heck, I  
can't even find the words to describe what we really  
are.  
  
I wish I had the power to turn back time. Turn back  
time to last night. If I could, I would run after you  
and make   
you stop. I would tell you how big a fool I've been  
and that I  
don't want you to leave.  
  
Or probably turn time back to that ferry. Or better to  
the time when I was leaving. That night when I told  
you about my eye  
surgery, you said that I couldn't leave. That I  
couldn't leave because  
it would mean that flying was more important to me  
than Jordan, more  
important than JAG, more important than.... than  
everything else.   
  
For a moment I hoped you were going to say 'more  
important than ME.' If you had, I don't know what I  
would do.   
I hope that I'd sweep you off your feet and give you  
the most   
passionate kiss you ever got and I wouldn't care that  
Chloe is in   
the next room. But then maybe I would do nothing.   
  
Looking at you made me realize, that maybe this is how  
it has  
to be. You're happy and that's most important to me.  
If it means you're   
happy with someone else on the other side of the  
world, I have to learn   
to live with that - I won't stand in your way.  
  
The reason we were both laughing was probably that we  
didn't want to show how we really felt. Because of  
that   
neither of us mentioned your leaving. The silence  
between us  
all the way back to JAG a testament to that.   
  
  
^ ^ ^  
  
As I was carrying the last box to your car, I couldn't  
stand it any longer. The fact that you're leaving,  
that I won't see   
you every morning, the fact that...  
  
By the look on your face I guessed you were feeling  
the same. I dropped the box on the car seat and looked  
at you.   
You were standing in the same spot as the day baby AJ  
was born.   
The day we made the baby promise. The promise   
that will not come true now.  
  
I walked to you and hugged you. This time you weren't  
the only one who was crying.  
  
'I have to go.' I heard you whisper.  
  
'Yeah, your vette is waiting.'  
  
'But its no tomcat.' you said and that caused more  
tears from both of us.  
  
So this was it. This was the end of our partnership  
and maybe  
our friendship. I watched as you opened the   
door to your car, still hoping you'd change your mind.  
  
And suddenly you turned around, walked - no, ran - to  
me and before I knew it you were kissing me.  
  
I responded fully not caring that that I was in   
uniform. Neither of us was aware of a person watching  
us   
from a nearby car.  
  
We remained that way for at least 16 seconds. I'm sure  
you  
know exactly how long. But because I don't have your  
sense of   
timing doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying it. I remember  
every little   
moment of it. It is the moment that I will remember  
for the rest of my life.  
  
As suddenly as it started, it ended. You smiled,  
turned  
around and without wiping away the tears that were  
running down your   
face you drove away.  
  
And at that moment I knew what should I do as I turned  
around and walked into  
JAG headquarters.   
  
********  
  
V.  
  
  
I don't know how many people think I'm crazy. But I  
doubt there was a single person that didn't think that  
when I was running through the crowded airport.  
  
When you left, I went straight to the admiral's office  
and took your transfer papers from his desk. It took  
me three hours to finally tear them in half, grab my  
keys  
and run to the car.  
  
I think I broke every speed record ever made on my  
way to Dulles. When I got there, I stopped only to ask  
which gate your flight was leaving from as I ran  
through the  
crowded airport.  
  
As I reached the gate, there were only a few people  
left to board. A quick glance told me you weren't  
there.  
  
So I was late again.  
  
At that moment my world fell into pieces. Images  
of past five years flashed before me like a movie.   
I kept myself asking why didn't I take the chance to  
tell   
you how I really feel. Now it's too late.   
  
I turned around and began slowly walking back when  
someone tapped on my shoulder. I never thought I'd  
been  
so happy to see that Australian face.  
  
I started to ask where you were and was about to hold  
him against the wall if he didn't tell me, but then  
his  
words silenced me.  
  
'Congratulations, mate. You've won.'   
  
^ ^ ^  
  
I didn't need to check your place to know where you  
were. I slowly unlocked the door to my apartment and  
let myself in.  
  
When I entered the apartment I had to smile. You were  
standing in the same spot, looking at the same photos  
of   
us that I was looking at just the night before.  
  
'These are my favorite, too.' you smiled at me through  
your tears.   
  
Then I realize that I'm the happiest when you're with  
me,   
when I see your smile.  
  
  
THE END. 


End file.
